Friday, January 30, 2009

Revenge of the Undeniable Truths

The ACTUAL top ten Manliest manga!

1. Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, fucking obviously. I mean, come the fuck on. Manliness just pulses off the god damn page. And it has more pages than anything else. Except maybe Golgo 13, which isn't on this list because I haven't read it. But Jojo's! I have read many, many manga, and quite a number of them were actually better, but this will always be my favorite.

2. Souten Kouro - King Gonta's epic retelling of the Romance of the Three Kingdoms from the villain's point of view is so god damn manly it makes women grow beards. Which is why it remains untranslated. They quiver in fear, the fairer sex. Quiver in awe at the sheer power contained within.

3. Giant Robo: The Day the Earth Burned - all the epically over the top retro robot kung fu hero styled madness of the Giant Robo anime, plus art heavily influenced by Jojo's. Also cuts out all that pansy ass time wasted on strong female leads. I kind of missed that, honestly, but fuck it, it has a dude with a chainsaw fighting a giant robot.

4. Kilico - Kouichi Kiba's works are always deranged - he's the manga answer to Drill Hole in the Brain's Maijo Otaro - and this is his longest, and stars a man with a really fucking big gun. Probably only ranks this low because I don't remember much about it.

5. Iron Wok Jan - You know what often defines manliness? Being a complete fucking dick.

6. Violence Jack - This probably deserves to be a bit higher on the sheer epic manliness scale, but I bumped it down a bit because I would be hard pressed to actually describe it as good. Diseased, yes. Fucking bizarre, yes. Good? Fuck no.

7. Ushio and Tora - ah, remember the days when shonen manga actually featured manly shonen? I'm trying to work out some crack about the hair extending super powers that doesn't involve me thinking about Ushio's balls, and failing. On a side note, an entire set of this is sitting randomly on a shelf in the Nintendo Starbucks.

8. Gunnm: Last Order - I think Joe already proved this point.

9. Vinland Saga - Vikings! Revenge!

10. Berserk - Phallic symbols!

I am hungry. To heck with writing more!

5 comments:

  1. Needs more Fist of the North Star, Shigurui and motherfucking RIKI-OH. It's good to see some Kilico love.

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  2. Fuck it, you've finally pushed me to check out Kilico. It's the only series on here that I haven't read and also am able to read without a large investment in time/money/studying the Japanese language.

    I've also realized I've never seen you really write about Berserk, even though I know you're a fan.

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  3. @ninjacurby - Fist is okay, but too boring to really strike that jovian vibe.
    Shigurui looks awesome, from the three chapters I read, and is on my list to pick up. Riki-oh I've only seen the ass boring movie.

    @David - I haven't read the new Berserk volume, but probably will write something when I do.
    I dunno, I've been reading it too long to be excited by it. I enjoy it, sure, but I hunger for the new. Quality peaked in the early twenties anyway. I did do a big feature on it for the old print zine, but fuck knows if that is even readable. Been a while.

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  4. Yeah, I can understand that, as I've cooled off it somewhat myself over the years. But re-reading Dark Horse's volumes continually rejuvenates my interest in the series. The most consistent patch of quality is in the early-to-mid twenties, though I felt that 33 is a massive return to form with the focus on Griffith.

    Will definitely be interested to see what you think of it.

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  5. I haven't read Berserk in a while, so I'll have to catch up on the latest few volumes sometime.

    Awesome list, though. I wholeheartedly agree with JoJo being number one. Which reminds me that I've only read parts 1-3 and need to read the rest as soon as I can.

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