Selections from the index of Schoolgirl Milky Crisis

Play along at home, won't you?

afros, desirability on samurai of, 265
al-Jazeera ninja movie, 126
desire to conquer the world, author's, 1, 53
Doctor Who, resemblance to Godzilla of, 385
Hello Kitty, as cause of military action, 288; as unlikely brand of chainsaw, 289
Holiday Inn, inevitable depression at, 105
Jackson, Michael, shitty scansion of, 232
sand, as filling for dog, 215
sorcery, as illegal hockey tactic, 101